Floptina Openly Talks About SwagJacking Mariah Carey

We are 5 days away from X-Tuna releasing her 7th studio album "Lotus" to the public, so therefore she's been trying tell anyone who will listen willingly or not. Ever since Bionic broke records for flopping harder than her backfat, the straining chanteuse has been on the mend with her career. She recently sat down (with the help of a crane) for an interview with billboard to give us a well needed history lesson about her long since passed successful career, the concept of Lotus, and how she likes to steal Mariah Carey's vocal style.

During the interview, Ms. Aguilera decided to relive the initial conceptions for recording her universally popular hit song "Beautiful" for "Stripped", the album that caused her to have an identity crisis believing that she was black. Man, I will never forget that shit! Remember the 2002 VMA's with her strutting out on the stage with her newly augmented titties about to fall out any second? Then came one of the most horrible things I had ever heard in my life, her fake ass southern accent! "WUZ UP NEW YAWK CITY? IM HEEYA 2 PREZENT DA MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARD......AND DA WINNA IZ...HEHEHE..... INTERESTING..... EMINEM!" I was like, "who does this ho think she is? I would love to know who gave that ho a black card because I or any other black person in the world most certainly didnt approve of that mess!" The NAACP is NOT amuzed!! Whoops sorry ya'll, my crazy ass is rambling again. I get a little steamed everytime I think about transvestite Bozo The Clown thinking that she was black. Anyways, here's an excerpt from the article on what she had to say about recording "Beautiful".

“Linda Perry is raw, she’s real and she intimidates a lot of grown men. She’s amazing. I was having a really bad day. I came into her studio. It was at her house at the time. I was working with her on a bunch of stuff. She just kind of sat down at her piano in her dining room and started singing.

Don’t do all that Mariah shit’ — that was her, not me, I love that shit!” she clarified. “But she was like ‘don’t be doing all that acrobatic shit, just sing!’”

Listen ho, everybody already knows you have built your entire career from swag jacking the likes of Mariah Carey. Yes, you undoubtedly swag jacked Whitney Houston as well, but we all know that you most notably stole Mariah's vocal runs and melismas. Don't believe me, folks? Well then listen to the crescendo of Christina's song "I Turn To Food", or pretty much any other song from Strain-Tina's catalouge. Linda Scary's Uncle Fester lookin ass was in the right to admonish this ho about swag jacking somebody else's shit! There's a reason why Linda said "that MARIAH shit". Its because Mariah is a key pioneer in modernizing melisma (a group of notes sung into one syllable or context) within popular music, thus inspiring countless fourthcoming r&b and pop singers to implement it within their vocal styles. Unfortunately as the years passed, melisma became excessively overused  by people like Beyonce and Christina because they only see melisma as a show off tactic, in lieu of a tool to convey emotion like Mariah and Whitney did. 

 

Christina had been citing Mariah as an influence since she first appeared on the scene, that is until both women got into a fight at one of Mariah's huge parties that she showed up uninvited to and appearantly ended with Mariah escorting Sloptina out herself. DAAAAAAMN! Them Long Island ho's dont fuck around! On top of showing up uninvited, X-Tuna probably busted in the place speaking with that stupid ass fake southern accent that she used at the VMA's which I believe most certainly warrants getting thrown out on your ass or head! Mariah must've been mad as fuck to bypass her own security and get krunk with Pennywise! Oh shit, to have been a fly on that wall! Anyways, ever since that whole incident, PennywiseTina swears up and down that Whitney was always her biggest influence ever and not Mariah...until now. Sorry stupid ass, but the only one who's buying that bullshit is you if you dont think everyone is that stupid.

Now in regards to Floptina's new album, I've heard a couple of songs and Im still not sold on whether or not this will serve as true redemption from Flopionic. She's straining in some songs and that shit is grating to my ears!! Its like she's confused on whether or not she wants to sound like Mariah or Chester Bennington. Bitch seriously needs a voice coach pronto. She's been straining for years now and its NOT getting any better. Last time she performed "Fighter" live, she avoided every high note in the song like she avoids the treadmill. Im not sure it Lotus will be a make or break album for her, but if its the case of "break", theres always the Surreal Life.